A Whipping & Weeping Week

I just got back from my own short holiday. Can't update much. Time is seriously of the essence now, this week!!

What's up?

Tomorrow - Economics test
Wednesday - Public Speaking Major Presentation
Thursday- Got to hand in Economics Executive Report
Friday- Computer test and tutorial
Next Tuesday- Biology Quiz
Next Wednesday- Another Public Speaking Major Presentation
Some time next week- Another Computer tutorial

Totally no space to breathe. This semester really is no joke. Gosh.....

Condemnation!!!!

I have an extremely strong propensity to flood this post with profanities. So far, I haven't really put in any hard core profanities....should I break the chain and do it now?

I just encountered the most horrifyingly embarrassing thing moments ago and I am not exagerrating one bit. Seriously a*hole I tell you.

But I won't blurt it all out here. That's how embarassing it is. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

The worst part of it all was that................. *sob sob sob*..... my dear Blackie was there to witness every bit of torturous sentiment there was. Darn....

I hereby officially abhor toooooooooooooooooootttttttt Star Cineplex!!!!! Darn darn darn.....

Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................ just kill me..... =)

lalalalalalalalala.........I so wanna swear.............seriously............... gahhhhhhh................... (>.<)

Sighh....

Back in school once again. From now on, the ride's going to be a hectic one. Assignments and tests would be pouring in endlessly soon... as a matter of fact, now...

I was terribly upset yesterday. I arrived in school at around 12pm yesterday and headed to class next. Had 6 straight hours of class. My public speaking speeches are not improving. It's never good. Really rend my confidence into pieces. Then, came biology class. Miss Nisha wouldn't allow me to hand in my previous biology report because I didn't attend that particular lab class. Devastated, tears couldn't stop falling. I researched and basically stayed up the whole freaking night just to complete that bloody darn freaking report. Sighhh.... There go my marks.... Shhhhhhiiitttt!!!!! I'm hating biology all the more now.

To add to my despair, I'm now sick. Feverish and fluish..haha..Of all times, it had to be now... when I have biology class tomorrow and thursday. haha...

On the other side of the fence,at least I have the whole season of 90210 to keep me happy thanks to the evil Jing Tuang who was super nice to go all the way to the airport yesterday morning just to transfer that to my laptop.

Wanted to do a picture post on my Chinese New Year but am very tired now. Toodles~~

It's No Surprise

Sigh... had been doing my biology assignment for the past 4 hours and all I've done is 2 questions. That's how slow my pace is. Goodness!! Couldn't pour maximal attention onto doing work. Focus kept drifting apart. Once again, I'll be going back to school real soon and prior to going back, I'm cuckoo - upset. Sigh...

Biology and Computer assignments incomplete;biology report untouched; haven't read a single word to prepare for coming tests. Ergh... hating it... Why am I always so lazy?? I'll usually sit my butt down to do work or study when I crack under pressure that is when deadlines are approaching but it's really taxing.... eg. now.... PppffffTTtt!! Tireddddddd.......

Anyway, I enjoyed my very laid back Chinese New Year. Will post about it after I'm done with all the shenanigans of my tedious boring assignments. Sighhh.....

I AM SAD

I had just done my preparation for the speech which I'll be presenting in 11 hours time. Once again,last minute but I know I'm not the only one. I saw Madonna working on hers at 2 am just now so, it's all fine. By the way, I underestimated a one minute speech. It's difficult. You have minimal time to talk yet so much to say but got to restrain yourself yet make it interesting. -_-"

I rehearsed just now and it took me 1 minute and 11 seconds. pffffttt.... Hopefully I don't blow it tomorrow with unnecessary pauses and those errrmmm ahhhs. haha... Tired to memorize it verbatim so just going to go with the flow when the time comes. Really tired and lazy now.

Anyway, my parents call me daily now and that makes me happy although it's mere minutes of conversation. However, the person whom I always anticipate excitedly to talk to is now errrmmm....Let's just say we're having a rough patch. It's been 3 days.. I'm tired and sad.

I haven't gotten any new dresses for Chinese New Year. SAD. Sigh... Ann told me that she might be going to Shanghai with mum during Chinese New Year. Seriously?? WTF!! Even more sad. Of all times, must it be Chinese New Year when I'm going back home. Bloody stinking piece of shit boss of hers. Why not he himself bring the tour. Why must it be my mum? Money faced asshole. Really pisses me off.

Blackie used to be the one who can comfort me in whatsoever circumstances and I'll always feel a sense of happiness and care regardless where and how we talked; he was my shelter and the one where I get my pampering from apart from my dad but these few days, I felt like I lost him. I feel so alone. I really miss how he made me happy all the time. I miss him.

I am sad. I miss all the care and pampering I got back home. If this is part and parcel of growing up, I DO NOT want to grow up, at least, not now. It's all too soon.

I love you, mummy and daddy.

I love you, Karvin.

Ian, stop checking your stats. They take time.

Ann, study. Don't hog onto the phone too long. hahahahahaha...

Sloshy Sloshy

The title is completely incoherent to the contents of this post. I just like the word slosh. Sounds cute, no? hehe

Hey!! Mummy and Daddy, why you guys don't call me anymore??!!! What is the meaning of that?? HRRRrMMMMMpppHHHhhh!!!!!! You don't love and miss me no more? Awhhhh.... =(

From the day I arrived here, I've only spoken to my parents twice or thrice and that's it. So mean. When I call them, they didn't pick up and they didn't even return my calls. *sulk* Last semester, they call me SEVERAL times a day but reduced towards the end of the semester but this semester, I'm completely forgotten. I'm

Anyway, I had my first Economics class today and bloody fishcakes crabsticks prawnheads! I don't understand. The lecturer was saying it's all about common sense. I shocked myself by realizing I've no common sense when I couldn't think of any answers. haha... I felt rather daunted too because there were a few pretty outspoken people in the class. Now that it's a mixed class, I feel so errrm..... lacking and inadequate but I hope that's just some random ephemeral pessimistic feeling which would vanish soon.

Maddie and I would be going shopping tomorrow in KL and on Saturday, we'd be attending Youth'09! muahaha! I really hope I can find all that I want to find and have fun on Saturday. Shop shop shop...but I won't splurge just for the sake of buying, I'm going to think thoroughly before any purchase. hehe... I don't want to regret after buying like what I always do. It's depressing. -_-"

Lalalalalalala.......... bored......

Totally random. I like al-Salam's Honey Naan.

Wendy introduced this to me last year. deliciousness.

I scared Madonna in the toilet just now when I went "BOO!!" and her expression was.... priceless!!! haha... I smell vengeance. I need to be more careful now.

Update : Not going KL anymore... T_T

All Set and Done

Yippedee doo daa.... I've pretty much settled down now. I've beautifully enrolled into Semester 2 as in my timetable's a darling despite the fact that I'd have to drag my slothful soul up from bed at 7am or so on Tuesdays,Wednesdays,and Thursdays. That's the drawback but then again, I finish classes at 12pm on Tuesday and Wednesday. That's great! I've only one class on Friday which is from 11am to 12pm and Monday's class starts at 12pm hence, I'd have nice weekends and feel less of them Monday blues since I can sleep in for a little bit more.

I'm taking Calculus 2, Microeconomics, Biology 2, and Public Speaking this semester. Errrmm.... I hope I can walk abreast with all of them but I'm extremely apprehensive about.......Calculus 2!!! No surprise right since I've been endlessly whining about it.

Public speaking class so far is my favorite because it seems rather interesting and relaxing now but we just had our first assignment just now. Every week we would have to present a speech and this Monday's our first! Coolie... Anyway, I really am hyped about this Monday's speech because it's about Madonna! Nyahahahahaha!!! We paired up and we are assigned to talk about each other and 3 unique characteristics of each other. This is fun! Right, Maddie?? muahaha!! Got to think deep and hard for the 3 weirdest things she does. =D We love ridiculing each other and we won't miss any possibility and even the slightest chance to step on each other's tail, verbally but she's starting to get physically aggressive as well;she slaps me! wtf! haha... As of now, she's the biggest bullshitter and swiftest communicator I know of apart from my brother. Awwwwhhhh....aren't you proud,Maddie? haha

I shall digress now.

I want to go KL to hunt for some dresses for Chinese New Year but Maddie is reluctant to accompany me!!!! =( I want to exude my hidden flamboyance. haha.. Hey JUST KIDDING ok. Aiyo... shy shy.... hehe... I like my dresses last year and I really thank the person who brought me all around to look for them. =) Anyway, this year....I don't have anything much in mind except I want maybe a red dress. hehe... hrrmm.... not sure... Well, first things first, am I even going down to KL? hrrmmphh.... @_@

On a sidenote, hair oh hair, please grow faster. I went to get my hair done last Saturday at Alan Salon and as usual, I will let my hairdresser do his thing because I'm always satisfied with the end product but this time, not so much. First, he gave me a bit of red highlights to volumize the hair which I initially didn't know of(p/s: I've very little hair) and secondly, he cut me those straight without parting fringe or better know as bangs. Hrrmmphh... I like a little side parting kind of fringe. So, I'm just hoping real hard that those fringe will grow long enough for me to part and not look weird before Chinese New Year. *fingers and toes crossed!* sigh...

That's how my hair looks like after hours of sitting in the salon.

Now, my fringe is clipped up wherever I go. Utter sadness.

Stingy Seven

Freaking stinking fishcakes!! I have only a meager week left and Semester 2 commences. SIGH!! I haven't even satisfyingly breathe in the sweet scent of holidays and it's back to school. GRrrRr!! But, I know I'd never be satisfied regardless of the length of holidays.

Anyway, this time next week, I'd be back to my 2nd "home" in Negeri Sembilan. haha... Trading in my comfortable house for a small room. At least it's air-conditioned. Phew... ERrrrGGhh.. the wrath of exams, quizzes, assignments, and presentation will be claiming my unwilling attention once again. -_-"

7 days...7 days...7 days... awwhh... is seriously too short a period...

Last night, I went out with Blackie. It was our last Sunday date for this year and most probably for a while... I can't see my Blackie when I want to anymore.. He brought me to Westwood for dinner, then to some car show, and then for movies. He went to the car show to support his friend, the organizer. Honestly, those kind of functions are totally not of my fondness. I'd say it's alright for new experience purposes and instead of performing or rooting for my oh-so-cliche predispositions. I'm not exactly a very outgoing person so, I'm uninterested in a lot of things. Boring life, maybe but Blackie is slowly adding condiments into my life.
=)

There were a few pretty cool cars but what caught my attention were those cute modified vintage cars. So adorable!! I didn't snap pictures of them though but the car that we both fancied was "Fairlady". Oooo...it was gorgeous. I don't usually know how to see beauty in cars but I couldn't bring myself to defy this one.

The uber sleek Fairlady. This picture does it no justice. Got to see it for yourself.

We watched "Yes Man". haha.... I had been pestering him to bring me watch that since I saw the trailer. I expected it to be filled with sidesplitting moments but it was just alright. Funny, yea but not that that that great. Odd though, they still show Twilight after it's rumored last day like a week or so ago. Good news for me! I hope I could catch it again but Blackie says I'm stupid to watch movies second time. hrrrmmphh!! haha.. Oh ya, I effin hate the air freshener that is automatically squirted out at intervals in the cinema. Freaking stinko!! Smells like... I don't know how to explain but it's really bad. No joke. More like an air pollutant than freshener. Cheapskate!! (>.<)

I can't pull my thoughts away from school reopening. All the packing and unpacking that needs to be done. So tedious!!! Neither mum nor dad wants to follow me back there to help me unpack and clean up. I'm super parasitically dependent on them. I haven't found any comfy flats for school. I haven't touched up on those ugly black hair roots. etc etc etc.... It is at moments like this that I envy those West Malaysians who can easily travel to and fro from home to school. haha...

Chop chop..bedtime.... which reminds me... I met my brother in the cinema and he said "Bedtime Stories" is really worth the catch... hopefully, I can watch that before I leave...

Sunshine Lost Its Way to Storm

Last night was pretty nice. Finally met up with Joanne,Aixora, and Seraphina. We went to "Elephant" for dinner. We did lots of catching up. Really missed all the little talks we always had. Everybody had their own funny stories. I don't know how to concisely put it in words but it was really very nice. Joanne and Aixora are still funny as ever. haha.... Thinking about them just lit up my mood. Seraphina's still the old Seraphina. She kept saying Miri is boring. Madonna!!! Miri is boring! haha.. Anyway,so is Kuching.

Joanne left earlier for durians. haha.... The 3 of us headed to "Bing" for drinks. I love the hot chocolate there. Absolutely ambrosial!! We talked a lot about guy issues. lol... Hey guys!!!! I'll always remember the ermm... mouth-bleeding-scurvy-braces !!! Evil evil. hahahhaha... but it was amusing.

With Seraphina

With Aixora

I had a little bit of a conflict with Blackie last night. Hrrmmm.... Tonnes of doubts are orbiting my head now. Oh well... I was actually really happy last night after the casual night out with my friends but because of Blackie, sadness surmounted happiness. Awful. While waiting for Blackie to call, chatted online with a good friend and he was so sweet to try to cheer me up and all. Thanks Wewen! But later on, when Blackie called,we're still intense.

I don't know. Don't know don't know don't know. Everything doesn't seem to fit right at this moment but I'm sure it's just me. I'm such a pessimist when it comes to arguments, conflicts or cold war. I tend to just let go of everything. In a way, walking away from all the bloody snags and it's bad, I know. As for now, I'm muddled in this abysmal of mixed feelings.

Just about an hour ago, Blackie came over to my house to give me Cheeze Choc, my favorite cake but....... stuff got a little messed up....I was at fault this time. I tried cleaning up. I hope we're ok now but I'm not sure. He said he just wanted me to be happy when he sent me the cake but now all there is is sadness. I felt horrible when I read that. Sigh...the atrocity of miscommunication and misunderstanding.

하지만 난 여전히 그를 아주 많이 사랑

Finals!

Finals starts tomorrow!! @_@ am worried but just can't wait to get over it though I have tonnes more to study.. I get all angsty, unsure, darn nervous and all those weird symptoms running through my spine prior to exams. My daddy says I've phobia of exams. Hmm..Perhaps. And that evil old man barely calls me to check on me. Dad!!! Call me!!! Like... a few times a day ok??!! You're the outlet of all my angst!!!

But the very next morning after exams, I'd be flying back home and this time it'll be 2 months of sheer paradise. no more exams or quizzes to electrocute me. =p

Guess what's the first exam that's whipping me.... my most feared... CALCULUS!! But then, it'll be the first to be over so I guess it ain't all that bad. ^^ I still don't know how to sketch a darn graph.. sighh....

I'm Blue

Just got back home a while ago... Feeling kinda gloomy now.. Going back school again.. Astonishing how days hastily pass.. I didn't feel like I had enough of this holiday..then again..holidays are never enough...hehe...

Went out with him just now... I told him I wanted to go "Secret Garden" to have lasagna.. so he brought me there... Finally, after errmm quite some time.. I had lasagna.. haha.. sounds so pathetic... haha... I really really love Secret Garden... It's the place my friends and I always go for birthday celebrations.. The food's pretty nice and reasonable in price.

After that, we went to watch Zohan. On the way there, darling Isabel called!! Happy... We talked talked talked then I told her I was going to watch Zohan with him... she immediately said "omg Lynnie..it's freaking icky and horny..and you're watching with him...*breaks into her hysterical laugh*". haha...And it really was like what she said...hahaha... really hilarious...

Then after the movie, it was go home time.. SAD! And now I'm home.. That's all.. gonna keep this post short and simple...

I'm Debilitated

I'm sitting down languidly in fatigue..PfffTtttt.... it's been a hectic week....assignments came pouring in one after another... deadlines racing up.. exams showing their cunning fists... my heart palpitate to the madness ticks of the clock; insinuating the shortage of time. Oh God,help me.

I just sat for my Sociology test this morning. Relieved that it's over. But, last night was a hell of a bleak moment. Damn it! When I got back here on Wednesday evening, I had to do my previous week's Biology report in unrelenting alacrity. It was tedious and if I was to be left without munificent help from my friends, I swear I'd be stripped off my own skin and left to wallow in distress. Amid that, I had to complete my ENL assignment to be handed in the very next day(Thursday). I saw my brother online and without vacillating, I asked him to do my assignment. He did and I'm super thankful but it just doesn't comply with all those painstaking criteria wanted by my teacher for academic writing. So, I ended up doing it on my own. Headed to bed only at 4.45am and woke up at 7+ for class.

Yesterday, I had to rush through 4 chappies of Sociology to prepare for the test today. I read through all those chappies before but somehow they all seem so foreign when I went through once again. It took me like 2 hours for each chapter. I don't have 8 hours for revision!! Besides, my biology report was still hanging dreadfully on thin air. Grimace colored my face last night. I absolutely abhor my inexorable fate last night. My mind was so screwed thinking of socio and bio and failure. Shhooooshhh....sickening.... Fatin would come talk to me at intervals telling me relax and joke a little to bring me some solace and Anna would tell me what I can omit and what I should take note. I love both of them. In the end, I managed to revised 3 chappies although it's more like regurgitating what I read...no time to understand it...Report completed too.. PheeWwww.... The remaining chapter,I just flipped through to comfort myself a little but nothing came out from that chapter. Yay! Totally comforted. hehe... The test is pretty scary because I don't know what archetypal answers the professor is looking for and sociology is an extremely ambiguous subject to me cause personal perspective is of high importance and numbskull me got minimal common sense.haha... I feel that my answers are always vacuous and mundane. I don't know la... sigh... I hope I did ok... but people say this professor's marking is strict and there's scarcely anybody who can score well. Oh yea, I slept at 5.40am and woke up at 7am. You feel my grief??

Fatin captured the moment.

The ludicrous book

Biology assignment is calling out for me now...Upon completing one Bio report,I have a new one to work on...wonderful isn't it? And I have to polish up on my calculus..exam this coming Wednesday. SAT verbal and maths awaits..exam's next Monday. BUT BUT BUT... after these pain in the neck, I'm going home!!! It's term break... yay!!! So, I shall tenaciously persevere through these banes. But...(I detest buts) I would have to study during the holidays for the incoming Biology test.

It's not complacency

I'm in a predicament of time shortage but I'm fully cognizant of the fact that it was I who dragged myself to this abyss.

Everyday I see people around me diligently and meticulously facing piles of papers or books and stuffing knowledge into their heads, but I,being the inveterate compulsive lazy procrastinator that I am, haven't started anything and I swear it's not because of complacency. Those of you who know me,knows I'm a diffident who lacks self confidence in basically everything I do right? So,my laziness to study like the rest isn't because of self-satisfaction ok. I just don't know how and where to start. This is when I really miss all my procrastinator-last-minute-friends back in school especially Isabel. We both are always like partners in crime who were so scared to see people start studying but we were just too lazy to start. Here,I can't find anybody like that.

I feel so small here surrounded by both smart and hardworking people. I feel like I'm not at par with the other scholars. There I go again right belittling myself. Gosh...I wish there's somebody who can help boost my self confidence. I don't know why I'm always so lack of confidence and I really despise that part of me to the very core! It's really very daunting to be here. hehehe... people here really smart laaa and I'm so hahahaha....mediocre. Ok,there's a 16A1 scholar here and rumored to be number 2 in Malaysia. Cool right? And he's actually not bad looking as in not at all nerdy,bookish or meek. And Penang number 3 is here too according to my friend's source. and lots others who are holders of lots of A's. Quite a few really outspoken people here too...you know those that loves dominating the class... errmm...there are some bigots here as well. haha... really interesting. But it's really obvious that there're lots of assiduous and tenacious people here. I really want to be like that you know. Really... I want to do well in exams... I want to know the answers when pointed a question. I want to excel...but I can't seem to find the will and optimism. Sigh...

About the time shortage that I mentioned earlier... it's because I've homeworks yet to be completed...I've lots of stuff to understand and memorize. My SAT mock test is on 18th August. I need to score at least 1800/2400 for that test. I find that tough... I'm not very proficient in english which worries me. A month to prepare is too short a time but worst of all I still haven't started. For my sociology class, my lecturer just browse through the subtopics and after a bunch of his stories,he calls it a day leaving me all blurry and trying to fix the jigsaw puzzle;thinking how his stories relate to the chapter. So,I should read up when I get back right? I always planned to but it ended up merely a plan;a yet to be implemented plan. I'm really pretty doomed right?

I vowed to study tomorrow but this is all too familiar. I say this to myself everyday ever since who knows when. Too many years ago.

I may seem nonchalant, but deep down, fear is racing up and down around my nervous system but I still cannot bring myself to start doing something about it.


nyways...gotta head to bed.... Goodnight

XOXO

Life ain't easy

I now really really understand that life absolutely isn't a bed of roses.. As you get older,you have more stuff to worry about...stuff which you never thought you'd need to worry about ever... When I was younger,I thought life was really good and easy...no worries,no sweat..I finally understand the harshness of life though it's kinda just the beginning of a more mature life for me..

You used to be able to get most of the stuff you want when you wanted it before because those stuff are within your parents reach... As you get older,toys and other miscellaneous isn't exactly your priority in your I-want list.. But good education for a promising future... Well,that's what I think... I really really want to have the best education I can get my hands on without putting a heavy load on my parents back as topnotch universities are freaking blarrrdy darn expensive.. But I find myself unable to do so now... Damn it! Is it my fault I can't?.. Am I not good enough I wonder...What would happen to my future if I just get education in mediocre universities/colleges where people are always saying the teachers aren't experienced enough causing student's to obtain just average results..I know most of you would be thinking if you are hardworking enough,you'll get good results regardless... But I believe teachers do play an important role..if they teach you the wrong techniques to answer questions,how do you score in exam?? Gosh I'm worried...

Why?

I failed to get JPA scholarship. I'm gonna breakdown n go insane. Why oh why... I was elated the day I got my SPM results but that results didn't get me anywhere...It only got me to the school opposite my ex-school for Form 6. And found out many that didn't get straight A1's happily secure scholarships. I'm not referring to anybody in particular ok..It's just what I see and heard. I'm very envious of them and thinking what good had my results done for me other than temporary happiness?? This is literally the WORST day of my life. I've never felt such excruciating pain ever! I'm so disappointed in myself... Oh well..just my luck... be grateful you're not me.

Depressed..

Monday,May 12th, my daddy's birthday.... YAY!!!!!

Monday,May 12th,Form 6 starts...BOO!!!

SIGHH... I'll be going to Form 6 and yup,I'm depressed and stressed out by that... I don't want to do Form 6... Never ever have I wanted or considered Form 6 but bummer....somehow I find myself left without a choice. There's one last hope to pull me out from this dreaded misery but that's far from certainty at the mo.. So,I still gotta get my ass into Form 6 first.

Haven't got my uniform and whatsoever school thingymajiger... And mummy's in Beijing so I gotta go get them myself with dad. DAD!!! anti-shopping person.. So not fun... Mummy,I miss you..

Anyhoo, frustration had definitely got the better of me already...I whine non stop to my dad like everyday..hehe..sorry..I just can't help it.. I can't stop thinking bout my future,where would I be going to study,what if this..what if that... so on so forth... I know I shouldn't but I'm slowly drowning myself into self pity..This is seriously bad..it may lead to massive self destruction.. drugs.. suicide...omg!! nahh...just being dramatic..haha..

I'm such a loser.. Can't believe my willpower is this "strong".. Gosh.. how am I to face the world right?? Mum,Dad,Ian...I need you!!!! God,please help me..

SIGH....