Blardeeeefool TOOOOOTTTT

JUST SHOOT ME NOW. IT'S TOO BORING. IT BORES ME TO DEATH BY ITS MUNDANE, ABSOLUTELY VERBOSE, EXCESSIVE, POINTLESS CRAP WHICH I DON'T FREAKING CARE. I REALLY REALLY REALLY DESPISE THICK TEXT BOOKS. I OFFICIALLY ABHOR FACTUAL SUBJECTS. ALL THE MEMORIZING AND REGURGITATING IS A STABBING BLEEDING PAIN IN THE ASSHOLE. HOW DO PEOPLE HANDLE FACTS??? BORING FACTS!! GOTTA EMPHASIZE THAT. CRAP LAAAAA......

WHY ON EARTH DID I TORTURE MYSELF BY TAKING ANNOYING SUBJECTS THAT I'VE COMPLETELY NO INTEREST OR FONDNESS ON. WHY OH WHY?? MY GPA IS GOING TO TAKE A HARD BEATING. SIGHHHHH.....

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M SO SO SO SO SO SICK OF PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATING AND LOOKING DOWN ON ME. I SWEAR, I'M SO SICK. IT'S BEEN YEARS!!! AND TODAY, IT HIT ROCK BOTTOM. I'M A PITIFUL CAMEL WHOSE BACK WAS BROKEN BY A TINY STRAW. WTF WTF WTF!!

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, THERE'S THIS POINTLESS INTERVIEW WHICH WAS COMPULSORY SO, HAD TO GO. I DON'T MIND ACTUALLY BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I WAS INTERVIEWED BY AN ASSHOLIC GOAT!!! BLOODY MAN. THAT BLOODY FELLOW WHO CAN'T SPEAK OR BARELY UNDERSTOOD ENGLISH WAS SO DARN ARROGANT AND SARCASTIC. HE THINK HE'S HIGH ALMIGHTY. TALKING ALL THOSE BULL.

HE WAS SUPPOSE TO ASK HOW'S INTI AND STUFF THAT WE LEARNT BUT HE BARELY TOUCHED THOSE ISSUE BUT WENT ON BRAGGING BOUT HIS SO CALLED ACHIEVEMENT. PUH-LEEZEE... THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE SEEMS OBSCURE TO HIM AND HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO CLAIM HE'S A PROFESSOR WITH PHD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I HEARD PHD BUT NOT SURE IF HE WAS TALKING BOUT HIMSELF OR HIS WIFE. I ADMIT MY BAHASA MALAYSIA CAN ROT IN HELL SO I ANSWERED IN ENGLISH BUT I DOUBT HE CAUGHT ALL I SAID. I HAD TO REPEAT TO CLARIFY WHAT I SAID BECAUSE HE JUST DON'T GET IT AND SAY DIFFERENT STUFF WHEN I ANSWERED. HE KEPT ASKING HOW COME I DIDN'T GO INTI, KUCHING. I TOLD HIM I WAS PLACED HERE, I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE AND INTI,NILAI IS BETTER SINCE IT'S THE MAIN CAMPUS. HE STILL KEPT SAYING I SHOULD HAVE GONE THERE. WHICH PART OF "I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE" DOES HE NOT FATHOM?? SIMPLE ENLISH LA. DAMN IT!!

OH OH OH... HE ASKED HOW MANY CREDIT HOURS HAVE I TOOK. I SAID INCLUDING THIS SEM, 27. HE HEARD 20 AND SAID HOW COME I DIDN'T TAKE MORE? I SAY TIME CONSTRAINTS. HE REPLIED " AIYO...PERGI KAHWIN LA" CRAZY BO-KA-SI PU-BO BASTARD. THEN CHAT SOME MORE THEN HE HEARD 27. STUPID LA. HEAR WRONGLY THEN TALK BULLSHIT. HE'S SUCH A WASTE OF OXYGEN AND SPACE ON EARTH.

IT CAME TO A POINT WHERE HE ASKED MY SPM RESULTS. I TOLD HIM AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE GOAT REPLIED??? HE WENT " WAAA...KAMU ADA TIPU TAK? SAYA NI PROFESSOR ...BOLEH BAGI YOU "F" KALAU KAMU TIPU. JANGAN TIPU AH." EXCUSE ME MADAME, I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE TO LIE ABOUT MY RESULTS. EEEYERRR!! THEN HE WENT "OK, YOU TELL ME NOW...HOW DID YOU STUDY TO GET THAT RESULTS?" STUPID LA. STUDY HARD BEFORE SPM LA. STILL GOT HOW. ISH ISH ISH...

I KNOW I DON'T HAVE THE SMART FACE AND I'M NOT BRILLIANT BUT JUST STOP UNDERESTIMATING ME TO THE POINT OF DUMBNESS ALREADY. STOP TRYING TO PUSH ME DOWN. STOP TRYING TO DEMORALIZE ME. STOP KILLING MY ALREADY DYING CONFIDENCE. WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE LOOK DOWN ON MY ABILITIES? I KNOW I DON'T HAVE MUCH BUT IS IT NECESSARY TO TORMENT ANOTHER BY THROWING HORRID REMARKS AT THEM JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN?? I'VE HAD THIS YEARS AGO AND ALL I DID WAS KEPT MY SILENCE AND JUST FREAKING BOTTLE IT UP. EVEN MY FAMILY MEMBERS DO THAT TO ME. IT STINGS OK!! I HAVE FEELINGS!!

I JUST FEEL VERY TOUCHY NOW BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO STUDY AND I GET SOME KIND OF HORMONE IMBALANCE WHEN I'M UNDER STRESS SO LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS ANNOY ME. SO SORRY. SEE, I TOLD YOU THAT YOU'D BE EXPECTING MORE RANTS. I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. SUE ME. BOO HOO... ERRRGHHH!!! PISSIFYING.....

I SO SO SO NEED A BREATHER.....THANK GOODNESS I'M GETTING ONE SOON.

The Half Amazing-ness

I'm now at the computer lab waiting for class. I really hope we are going to learn MS frontpage because I need to know it badly in order to do my next assignment which is webpage design. -_-

Just done my economics test half an hour ago and it is just so so so amazing because, I really feel so relieved. For the past week, I was so disturbed by the whole idea of this midterm test that carries a heavy burden of 25%. Last night, I was delving yet again on all the economics concepts and substances that would be tested. It was so pressuring when something strikes as foreign when it's already the 11th hour and on the other side of the fence, I had biology provoking me. It was horrible.

I feel that I didn't do too well for my Economics as I did not have enough time to elaborate on my points as I was totally oblivious of the time shortage. (Speaking of which, yo mummy dearest...tee hee... my birthday's coming...get me a really pretty watch..hehee...) We had only an hour to answer 2 essay questions. I spent a tad bit more time on the first question. Sigh... My second question, panic struck when lecturer announced that there was only 10 minutes left and I wasn't even half way through the 2nd question. haha... His questions were rather mind boggling I'd say because they were not straight to the point. They kind of inflames ambiguity as in you don't exactly know what the answer the question seeks. Wasn't really sure but not much time to dig out concept per concept to filter so just cincai la..Oh well.. I gave it my all but my all is never good enough....T.T

After this class, I'd have to torment my poor soul to bitterly engulf biology for the quiz later at 6pm. I'm hyper worried about that now. It's lighter as it's only 2 marks but still!! Never underestimate the minors..

Then it'll be research for public speaking and lots and lots of menial tech savvy knowledge on computer for the incoming test and tutorial of which the lecturer placed on the same day - simultaneously! Omg... can it get any worser? Apparently, as of now, no. heheheheh....After Friday, woo hoo!! It'll be pure bliss and fun over the weekends. You'll see why pretty soon. =D

More rants to come. Stay tuned... hahahhaa....

I can't wait until Friday when it's all done and over.... but at the same time I can wait because I am going to need ample time to feed my brain with adequate knowledge.Nyahaha...I'm such an oxymoron...I can't help but to be fickle minded..sorry laa...(>.<) Lil brainie, I'm so sorry to tell you that you're going to have to regurgitate a hell lot. I'm as sad as you are. =( I love you, my brain

Pondering

Cogitating and weighing the pros and cons

I must have woken up from the wrong side of the bed. Abruptly after gaining full consciousness, I started thinking about things that truly annoys me but of which little know or even realize. I am having a strong urge to rant,rant, and RANT, but because I found out that there are unwanted eyes paying attention to the substance I dribble in my blog, I had to curb my exuberant desire to pour my heart out without second thoughts. I may seem like a mechanical cog but certainly,I have feelings!
It hit me, wondering if I should start a new blog and make it unheard of. That way, my blog would live true to the purpose of being my ranting ground or universal ground for that matter.

That made me sound like a secretive person, right?? Hold your horses, honey! Don't start using astrology explanation for my decisions. They say Pisces are secretive but I say to a certain extend. There are limits on how much to open up. There are some things I don't find the need to share with everyone I know but only to selected few. There are people who I freely spew my personal stuff to and they know every single tint of color in me but others, I chose to set a barrier because unimportant things are better kept aside. I certainly do not crave for attention hence, privacy isn't an option. I do tell my parents nearly everything but sometimes little things, I wish they didn't know. Eg. Mum came asking why I skipped class and all that because she saw it in my blog. sigh... I have got to be more inconspicuous from now on. haha... The 3 people who I trust unconditionally are my sister, brother, and Blackie. Parents too of course but you know, not every little detail could be freely accepted by them. Don't get me wrong, I have incredibly strong ties with them. They know everything and I can talk about anything with them, even those errrmmm.... "educational" stuff if you know what I mean. haha... I can talk with a bunch of profanities and they won't mind for as long I don't do that in public which is palpable that I won't. I may not be supremely bright but I'm no idiot either.

Sometimes I feel that people don't care about how I feel and act up selfishly on me but then again,the world doesn't revolve around me. Now that I want to further explain, I couldn't so directly. Changing blog link is currently under serious consideration. haha...I could metaphorically explain stuff but what's the point cracking my head twisting things around and nobody would understand?

Eg 1,
I went for a 2-week camp but forgotten to bring my pencil. I ask a person to lend me his/hers when he/she isn't using and she/he agreed but when I wanted to borrow, he/she told me he/she left it in some other person's tent.. Lol...

Eg 2,
I collect pretty stamps for my own slow use from time to time as I really need to use them but the postman came and exchange my stamps without my knowing and when I came to realize that, I am left with no pretty stamps thus, I had to go around looking for more of them. hahaha...

Eg 3,
There's a difference between the hummings of a true humming bird and a fake one. Ian's idea! hahaha.... He say humming bird hums. Somewhat funny to me. haha...

Eg 4,
The pot is always trying to bring down the kettle but in a way, they are both black.

Eg 5,
They say trust is like virginity. Go figure.

Managed to read between the lines of each example??

This is darn ludicrous. It's just not comprehensive and it's kind of like a subject open to interpretation thing which isn't what I want in case people get the wrong message conveyed and all those whatnots. FYI, those are just sheer statements for example purposes not directed to anyone........or are they?? haha...see! This beating around the bush thing is psychotic.

High chance of packing up and migrating to a new blog but while starting anew is fresh, it is also tedious and informing people who I don't mind them reading is taxing. Let's see how things go these few days/weeks.

I'm suppose to be really hardworking today and study study study but........lazy..........Where is the opportune place where I can absorb the vibe to study, I wonder.

Annie baby and Iannie fattie, I miss you guys.

Fashion Crisis

Chinese New Year's tomorrow and I've nothing to wear!! uh oh!!

Had been to a few places with bro being my chauffeur but nothing nice caught my desperate attention. Went to the place where I got my lovely dresses last Chinese New Year but this time round, the dresses were a total despair. No joke.

At first, I exuberantly got ready to shop and when I got to where I wanted, was so eager to try on something nice but shop after shop, disappointments arose. My bro, Iannie was really sweet to accompany me shop by shop and drive me wherever I want to go. Grateful. After a few places, I relinquish the minuscule pinch of hope I had left to stumble upon nice dresses so, I decided to get a new pair of skinny jeans at the usual place where I get them, yet again, hopes were stampeded into imperceptible microscopic dirt. Sigh...

Yesterday, Blackie's dad was so sweet. He offered to give me a pair of jeans from his shop. Give. haha... So touched but I was shy and since I'm seriously not much of a jeans person, I told him it's alright. Jeans to me is a necessity but I won't opt for expensive branded ones. tee hee...

We shopped around for 5 hours and the first 4 and a half was pathetically devastating. Since mission to find jeans and dresses failed, I moved on to heels. Charles & Keith was my main and probably only target. They sent me a message saying there's new stock for their Spring Collection earlier in the morning, and.....I found one which I'm truly deeply mesmerisingly in love with. It's really pretty...to me,at least. My bro and Blackie both say it is too. I'm happy happy happy. I have nice heels for CNY. =)

Ann didn't manage to find anything too so our mission for clothes hunting resumes later. Wish us luck. Gonna need plenty.Ian will be our trusty driver. I think Ann and I have the best brother..haha... =D

Weee...First Day of School

It's 4.15 am but my brain won't doze off maybe because I woke up at around 1am after my 8pm nap. haha....Am exhausted today. Add/drop is in process and at first, before I set foot here again, I was contemplating to drop Calculus 2 for a few reasons but Maddie and my dad told me to just stick to it since I'd need to take it some day. However, Fatin told me that Miss Dorothy said that Calculus 2 isn't of major importance and having Calculus 1 is adequate but I'm not too sure if I should take the risk and no thank you to the hassle that I'll put myself through in the event that I need Calculus 2. Sigh....

Had my first Calculus 2 class on Monday and Mr. Chan freaks the shit out of me. He was giving us the statistics for last sem results and only half the class passes,the other half failed. wtf! And he gave me the impression that he's the type of lecturer that will just do his part on teaching and whether you grasp it or not, that's entirely your own problem and that he couldn't care less. He's nice and all, don't get me wrong but my confidence level totally hit rock bottom. I really really really hope I could change my section and get into Mr. Nathan's class. By doing so, at the very least, I might have some confidence not to flunk Cal 2. *fingers crossed*

I feel that this semester is tougher. Biology 2 seems to be more difficult, public speaking class wasn't as simple as I'd imagined, Cal 2 had always been a nightmare but with Mr. Chan as my lecturer, delirium. I've yet to see for myself how microeconomics and moral studies would be later.

And they say, the hardest time of studies is Form 5 and college/university is easier. Liars!! (>.<) Isabel Goh Kah Ling!! Miss you too babe!! Glad I went to see you before I leave. Update 12.20pm : I managed to change my section for Calculus 2 but I had to drop Moral studies because they clashes!! Freaking good luck!! Thank God!!

A Sudden

This is precisely how I'm feeling now. Vaporized melancholy. It's all so not clean cut. I don't know why I'm feeling like that.

Inflicted by some odd gloomy vibe. It's all so weird. These 2 days, I get annoyed over the slightest matter and feel melancholy for no apparent comprehensible reasons. I get upset for reasons I can't decipher and that adds that much more to my already gloomy self. Seriously, this is the first time I feel this way. Oh my gosh.... I hate feeling like this.

Even just now when I was out with Blackie, I can't help but to feel annoyed and just unhappy, yet again, for NO APPARENT REASONS! omg! But of course, I don a fake smile when he's looking at me and kept playing with my phone as so he won't realize I was upset but he did ask several times if I was. Got to polish my acting skills. haha

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It's also like the weather now in Kuching. Gloomy dark skies with heavy cumulonimbus clouds.

I am a girl after all... Read between the lines and you'll get it. Haha... I should nap... -_____-

Finals!

Finals starts tomorrow!! @_@ am worried but just can't wait to get over it though I have tonnes more to study.. I get all angsty, unsure, darn nervous and all those weird symptoms running through my spine prior to exams. My daddy says I've phobia of exams. Hmm..Perhaps. And that evil old man barely calls me to check on me. Dad!!! Call me!!! Like... a few times a day ok??!! You're the outlet of all my angst!!!

But the very next morning after exams, I'd be flying back home and this time it'll be 2 months of sheer paradise. no more exams or quizzes to electrocute me. =p

Guess what's the first exam that's whipping me.... my most feared... CALCULUS!! But then, it'll be the first to be over so I guess it ain't all that bad. ^^ I still don't know how to sketch a darn graph.. sighh....

A Hodgepodge of Feelings

This very instance, I'm happy because I just found out that Calculus class is canceled. Nyahaha!! Sorry Mr. Nathan. I really like your classes but I just abhor the subject.

I'm extremely elated because I've precisely 2 weeks till the end of this semester then it'll be total relaxation and play time.

I guess that's all I'm happy about.

Melancholy for I'm caught in a plight of fats increment. Woooshhh... I've just been here to study for some 4 months and I've gain weight like never ever EVER before. My goodness!! Despairing, disbelieving, uncontrollable. I eat when I'm hungry. =( Perhaps a tad much on snacks too and the foods here are basically all really high on fats. Imagine 2 years here.. what would be of me? oOOoo... During my recent trip back home, evil moomie said "Please don't feed yourself untill so fat!!". =( I weigh myself and honestly, I was kind of appalled. I'm at my heaviest now. Sad story. haha..

Worried because finals is coming in less than 10 days. So much to do so little time. Most fretful of calculus.

Intense animosity. I hate my timetable for next semester. Did my advanced enrollment yesterday but did not get the timetable I'd planned for. They just enrolled me in for the classes I chose but because some section were already full, so they changed me to another section which happens to clash with my other subjects. They say I got to wait till like end of the year or next year to get my new timetable and if they cannot do anything about the clashes, I've got to add drop subjects. The thing is, I did try to change some subjects to entangle the clashes but there's seriously no other combinations I can make anymore. If I've my timetable now, I can plan for next year's trip back home and start booking my tickets before they hike. Crapsticks!! Fishcakes!! Now, I've got to wait till next year to plan all those. Sigh... And I feel so errmm... stuck in between incomplete task. The timetable is like hanging which makes me feel like I'm hanging too. Erghh...

Infuriated!! The management here said all of us staying in Shakespeare block would have to clear up our rooms and either bring back our stuffs or just put them in the store room. Ridiculous!! Have they ever thought of those who actually need to catch a plane to get back home. How are we to bring back everything? Two months later, bring all those stuff back here again? Insane! Really vexes me. If we put our stuffs in the store room which is just one small bedroom, wouldn't our stuff get mixed up and I'm sure there'd be losses. Sigh... I'm beginning to hate this school.

I feel hungry now. hahha.... tata

Home Sweet Home

As you can tell from my undisputed cliche title, I'm finally home! hehe... Am supremely elated.

But my airport experience just now was plain blood-boiling. Goodness. LCCT really lack professional control. They should know the airport's going to be dead packed since it's festive season now so they should actually come up with certain plans or have certain people to get passengers in order. The entire check-in area was so cramp and walking to designated counter was really half the battle. And at the counter, there wasn't any proper queue. People formed multiple queues at a counter and at the place I was queuing, there were others who formed more strands of queue and tried to overtook one another. Gosh... selfish!! Pissed, I moved to some other strands of queue which eventually was pretty fast because I guess that particular queue was the supposedly legitimate one?? So, yeap.. I got to check-in faster than those immoral people who doesn't know how to queue but even though I mentioned faster, I queued for around an hour and a half.I did not go to the airport late, mind you. I reached an hour and 50 minutes before departure. By the time I checked in, there were still a whole bunch of people behind me. The flight was supposed to take off at 12.55 and I only managed to check in at 12.35 or so. So, whatever it is, they still had to get all their "patient" passengers checked in so only at 2 something the plane took off. And they told us to board the plane at 12 something. But at the end of the day, I think the blame goes to Air Asia. They allegedly claim they had some system problems so the check-in counter only opened at 11.30+am instead of its 2-hour before departure usuals. And they should have someone to actually get passengers to queue up properly. The whole check-in area was seriously in a complete mess. I was pretty surprised that nobody went tumultuous. Because, usually foreigners appreciate and emphasize efficiency but the situation just now was far from what labeled efficient. I saw a few grimaced caucasians and was silently hoping they would say complain or something. haha...

But anyhoo, I'm back home. Pinched Annie's cheeks already;lay on my bed already; sat on dad's tummy already;I'm very happy to be back home. Seeing him tonight. Euphoric. haha...

Calculus

I'm going back home this Friday!!!! Can't wait can't wait.. zee-pe-dee-doo-da-zee-pe-dee-day... my oh my what a wonderful day.... *wink wink*

But then right............................................. I have to surmount this certain snag I call calculus. haha... I'm having my calculus test which accounts 25% into my final score this Wednesday.

This picture reminds me oh both Isabel and Rachael Goh... They are petrified of spiders... haha.. like I of calculus.. hahaha...

For those who know me well, haha.... you know there's no like-mindedness between math and I. I tried to love math but I'm left dejected because math rejected my sincerity... haha... bullcrap!

I really revere those who ace in maths.. My little dear friend, Michelle Lee is super adorable because she's so petite and she is impeccably superb in maths... *Lynnie's so envious* hehehe....

Oh well... I just got to break two legs in this exam... haha...

Here's just a few something just for laughs.... hehe...
Exactly... What the *fishcakes* is calculus??? hahahaha.. I love that one... the boy's so cute...

haha...oh how I wish calculus was drop dead easy..

Brink of Death

Just had my calculus test.... It was a killer... Worst of all...it contributes 25% to my final score. Gosh... that's hell lot!

Monday is SAT mock test and my preparation at the moment = NIL!

I'm Debilitated

I'm sitting down languidly in fatigue..PfffTtttt.... it's been a hectic week....assignments came pouring in one after another... deadlines racing up.. exams showing their cunning fists... my heart palpitate to the madness ticks of the clock; insinuating the shortage of time. Oh God,help me.

I just sat for my Sociology test this morning. Relieved that it's over. But, last night was a hell of a bleak moment. Damn it! When I got back here on Wednesday evening, I had to do my previous week's Biology report in unrelenting alacrity. It was tedious and if I was to be left without munificent help from my friends, I swear I'd be stripped off my own skin and left to wallow in distress. Amid that, I had to complete my ENL assignment to be handed in the very next day(Thursday). I saw my brother online and without vacillating, I asked him to do my assignment. He did and I'm super thankful but it just doesn't comply with all those painstaking criteria wanted by my teacher for academic writing. So, I ended up doing it on my own. Headed to bed only at 4.45am and woke up at 7+ for class.

Yesterday, I had to rush through 4 chappies of Sociology to prepare for the test today. I read through all those chappies before but somehow they all seem so foreign when I went through once again. It took me like 2 hours for each chapter. I don't have 8 hours for revision!! Besides, my biology report was still hanging dreadfully on thin air. Grimace colored my face last night. I absolutely abhor my inexorable fate last night. My mind was so screwed thinking of socio and bio and failure. Shhooooshhh....sickening.... Fatin would come talk to me at intervals telling me relax and joke a little to bring me some solace and Anna would tell me what I can omit and what I should take note. I love both of them. In the end, I managed to revised 3 chappies although it's more like regurgitating what I read...no time to understand it...Report completed too.. PheeWwww.... The remaining chapter,I just flipped through to comfort myself a little but nothing came out from that chapter. Yay! Totally comforted. hehe... The test is pretty scary because I don't know what archetypal answers the professor is looking for and sociology is an extremely ambiguous subject to me cause personal perspective is of high importance and numbskull me got minimal common sense.haha... I feel that my answers are always vacuous and mundane. I don't know la... sigh... I hope I did ok... but people say this professor's marking is strict and there's scarcely anybody who can score well. Oh yea, I slept at 5.40am and woke up at 7am. You feel my grief??

Fatin captured the moment.

The ludicrous book

Biology assignment is calling out for me now...Upon completing one Bio report,I have a new one to work on...wonderful isn't it? And I have to polish up on my calculus..exam this coming Wednesday. SAT verbal and maths awaits..exam's next Monday. BUT BUT BUT... after these pain in the neck, I'm going home!!! It's term break... yay!!! So, I shall tenaciously persevere through these banes. But...(I detest buts) I would have to study during the holidays for the incoming Biology test.

This is For Mr Everything's bout Respect

My darling friends...this post is just for me to vent my anger and animosity for this certain someone whom I hate so so so so so much now. I've never actually hated anybody...dislike maybe but never to the extend of hatred but now I dare say I hate him....As I remember,my darling Rachael Goh would always say ,"Hate is a strong word".haha So..read on if you want to..ignore this would be a better choice but I'm sure most of you would go for the former.. Curiosity never fails to get the better of us.. haha...

Anyway... this guy as I first known him...wow...perfect gentleman ohh.. what a facade he put on now when I think about it. Ergh!! He approach me with really captivating pickup line.. and then we got to know each other better... he was really superbly nice... those innocent good boy kind you know..polite,chivalrous and all... gosh...all he protrudes outside helps him maintain his veneer inner beauty thingymajiger... ergh... I get all seethed up upon recalling who he really is and his trickeries and now I know he is actually far from a gallant gentleman of how he portrayed himself.. he doesn't seem to show respect to girls yet he's always emphasizing bout respect and all those bullcraps! It scares me too when I recall how sadistic and vengeful of a guy he is; always seeking for vengeance and retaliation later in the future. It's really creepy. My dad told me to break off all connection from him. How could I be so blind and not realize his true colors earlier but I totally support the old saying "better late than never". Our friendship ended eons ago but the disgust I have of him remains.

It's not complacency

I'm in a predicament of time shortage but I'm fully cognizant of the fact that it was I who dragged myself to this abyss.

Everyday I see people around me diligently and meticulously facing piles of papers or books and stuffing knowledge into their heads, but I,being the inveterate compulsive lazy procrastinator that I am, haven't started anything and I swear it's not because of complacency. Those of you who know me,knows I'm a diffident who lacks self confidence in basically everything I do right? So,my laziness to study like the rest isn't because of self-satisfaction ok. I just don't know how and where to start. This is when I really miss all my procrastinator-last-minute-friends back in school especially Isabel. We both are always like partners in crime who were so scared to see people start studying but we were just too lazy to start. Here,I can't find anybody like that.

I feel so small here surrounded by both smart and hardworking people. I feel like I'm not at par with the other scholars. There I go again right belittling myself. Gosh...I wish there's somebody who can help boost my self confidence. I don't know why I'm always so lack of confidence and I really despise that part of me to the very core! It's really very daunting to be here. hehehe... people here really smart laaa and I'm so hahahaha....mediocre. Ok,there's a 16A1 scholar here and rumored to be number 2 in Malaysia. Cool right? And he's actually not bad looking as in not at all nerdy,bookish or meek. And Penang number 3 is here too according to my friend's source. and lots others who are holders of lots of A's. Quite a few really outspoken people here too...you know those that loves dominating the class... errmm...there are some bigots here as well. haha... really interesting. But it's really obvious that there're lots of assiduous and tenacious people here. I really want to be like that you know. Really... I want to do well in exams... I want to know the answers when pointed a question. I want to excel...but I can't seem to find the will and optimism. Sigh...

About the time shortage that I mentioned earlier... it's because I've homeworks yet to be completed...I've lots of stuff to understand and memorize. My SAT mock test is on 18th August. I need to score at least 1800/2400 for that test. I find that tough... I'm not very proficient in english which worries me. A month to prepare is too short a time but worst of all I still haven't started. For my sociology class, my lecturer just browse through the subtopics and after a bunch of his stories,he calls it a day leaving me all blurry and trying to fix the jigsaw puzzle;thinking how his stories relate to the chapter. So,I should read up when I get back right? I always planned to but it ended up merely a plan;a yet to be implemented plan. I'm really pretty doomed right?

I vowed to study tomorrow but this is all too familiar. I say this to myself everyday ever since who knows when. Too many years ago.

I may seem nonchalant, but deep down, fear is racing up and down around my nervous system but I still cannot bring myself to start doing something about it.


nyways...gotta head to bed.... Goodnight

XOXO

I Survived....

It was early....The room was dark..Sunlight was sheathed by the blinds... I was cold...quivering a little,I curled myself up to find warmth.. I felt so dehydrated...I hear my name several times together with more words which I failed to identify in my semi-conscious state... Yes,I had a premonition that something treacherous awaits me.. I looked at my phone,and it was 9am! Hey,it's freaking early ok for nocturnal me to be awake...hehe... Ok..back to the monotonous-emo-lifeless-tone yea...

I hesitate but eventually did struggling-ly hoist myself up to an upright position...I confronted the mirror and saw a stodgy image staring right at me... Urgh!! I hate waking up early larrrr...

After an hour or so to groom that dull image...Down the stairs, I went into the car leading to my designated abyss...To a place which connotes sadness.. Prepared,I wasn't even near...How I despise going through those rigorous procedures which indulges me to sacrifice my cells. I was afflicted by a hodgepodge of feelings...by nerves,pain,tiredness,laziness,animosity,fear of most.. I tried to fortify myself..(but as usual I fail la but of course cannot show ma...shame shame)

I went under uranium shooting...off to visit Dr Acula to spare him some of my erythrocytes leaving me with panic stroke and numbness up till now.. (I know la..me loujee 1) Soon after that..I went to see the master of the labyrinthine doomsville.. He set me free after affirming I found the exit of the labyrinth. But no! I was reminded there's one last torturous task to be done called Mantoux..(>.<) Oh boy..it's lethal.. It burns! Hurts! Anyways...all I'm trying to divulge here is I went for medical checkup...hahaha... It wasn't that bad la... but my hands would feel unenergized once in a while... I was really phobic of the needles though.. Hate it and I once aspired to be a doctor.. puh-leezee! how embarrassing... ambition without further thought.. tsk tsk tsk...

My daddy doesnt know when's the right time to snap a pic... the needle wasn't in yet.. The picture had to be blurred as to not be an eyesore... =)

Look at the speck of blood..poor vein.. The other red spot is just some scar..not the Mantoux if you're wondering... =)