It's not complacency

I'm in a predicament of time shortage but I'm fully cognizant of the fact that it was I who dragged myself to this abyss.

Everyday I see people around me diligently and meticulously facing piles of papers or books and stuffing knowledge into their heads, but I,being the inveterate compulsive lazy procrastinator that I am, haven't started anything and I swear it's not because of complacency. Those of you who know me,knows I'm a diffident who lacks self confidence in basically everything I do right? So,my laziness to study like the rest isn't because of self-satisfaction ok. I just don't know how and where to start. This is when I really miss all my procrastinator-last-minute-friends back in school especially Isabel. We both are always like partners in crime who were so scared to see people start studying but we were just too lazy to start. Here,I can't find anybody like that.

I feel so small here surrounded by both smart and hardworking people. I feel like I'm not at par with the other scholars. There I go again right belittling myself. Gosh...I wish there's somebody who can help boost my self confidence. I don't know why I'm always so lack of confidence and I really despise that part of me to the very core! It's really very daunting to be here. hehehe... people here really smart laaa and I'm so hahahaha....mediocre. Ok,there's a 16A1 scholar here and rumored to be number 2 in Malaysia. Cool right? And he's actually not bad looking as in not at all nerdy,bookish or meek. And Penang number 3 is here too according to my friend's source. and lots others who are holders of lots of A's. Quite a few really outspoken people here too...you know those that loves dominating the class... errmm...there are some bigots here as well. haha... really interesting. But it's really obvious that there're lots of assiduous and tenacious people here. I really want to be like that you know. Really... I want to do well in exams... I want to know the answers when pointed a question. I want to excel...but I can't seem to find the will and optimism. Sigh...

About the time shortage that I mentioned earlier... it's because I've homeworks yet to be completed...I've lots of stuff to understand and memorize. My SAT mock test is on 18th August. I need to score at least 1800/2400 for that test. I find that tough... I'm not very proficient in english which worries me. A month to prepare is too short a time but worst of all I still haven't started. For my sociology class, my lecturer just browse through the subtopics and after a bunch of his stories,he calls it a day leaving me all blurry and trying to fix the jigsaw puzzle;thinking how his stories relate to the chapter. So,I should read up when I get back right? I always planned to but it ended up merely a plan;a yet to be implemented plan. I'm really pretty doomed right?

I vowed to study tomorrow but this is all too familiar. I say this to myself everyday ever since who knows when. Too many years ago.

I may seem nonchalant, but deep down, fear is racing up and down around my nervous system but I still cannot bring myself to start doing something about it.


nyways...gotta head to bed.... Goodnight

XOXO

My Room

My darling friends!! How are you guys. In case any of you are wondering how I'm doing. Well,I'm doing alright despite the futile homesick thingymajiger... Class finished an hour earlier so I'm at the library with nothing better to do...

Anyhoo,I'm pretty grateful to be placed in Inti International UC,Nilai despite the ulu-ness of this place. Let me start with my room... We girls were placed in the Shakespeare Block.. it sounds nice right? But it's the furthest block in the whole college. It's freaking far from everywhere!! To add the bitterness,my room is on the 3rd floor...wait..there's more... they only open one of the entrance...so using that entrance up,I need to walk all the way pass 10 rooms to the end... My room is at the end which is rather convenient to say the least..toilet and water dispenser's near. Great right. Best of all.... there's air-conditioner and also a ceiling fan.. muahahha...nice right? I know... The walls are yellow in colour... it's a twin sharing room... Oh oh oh...My roommate is impeccably awesome..will tell you guys bout her soon.. keep abreast...

Though the room isn't exactly spacious and kinda quaint..you know nothing fancy..all the usual basic stuffs... I'm happy with it.. will upload pictures if the internet connection in my room allows me to...

gotta go now..see ya guys...