Fashion Crisis

Chinese New Year's tomorrow and I've nothing to wear!! uh oh!!

Had been to a few places with bro being my chauffeur but nothing nice caught my desperate attention. Went to the place where I got my lovely dresses last Chinese New Year but this time round, the dresses were a total despair. No joke.

At first, I exuberantly got ready to shop and when I got to where I wanted, was so eager to try on something nice but shop after shop, disappointments arose. My bro, Iannie was really sweet to accompany me shop by shop and drive me wherever I want to go. Grateful. After a few places, I relinquish the minuscule pinch of hope I had left to stumble upon nice dresses so, I decided to get a new pair of skinny jeans at the usual place where I get them, yet again, hopes were stampeded into imperceptible microscopic dirt. Sigh...

Yesterday, Blackie's dad was so sweet. He offered to give me a pair of jeans from his shop. Give. haha... So touched but I was shy and since I'm seriously not much of a jeans person, I told him it's alright. Jeans to me is a necessity but I won't opt for expensive branded ones. tee hee...

We shopped around for 5 hours and the first 4 and a half was pathetically devastating. Since mission to find jeans and dresses failed, I moved on to heels. Charles & Keith was my main and probably only target. They sent me a message saying there's new stock for their Spring Collection earlier in the morning, and.....I found one which I'm truly deeply mesmerisingly in love with. It's really pretty...to me,at least. My bro and Blackie both say it is too. I'm happy happy happy. I have nice heels for CNY. =)

Ann didn't manage to find anything too so our mission for clothes hunting resumes later. Wish us luck. Gonna need plenty.Ian will be our trusty driver. I think Ann and I have the best brother..haha... =D

I AM SAD

I had just done my preparation for the speech which I'll be presenting in 11 hours time. Once again,last minute but I know I'm not the only one. I saw Madonna working on hers at 2 am just now so, it's all fine. By the way, I underestimated a one minute speech. It's difficult. You have minimal time to talk yet so much to say but got to restrain yourself yet make it interesting. -_-"

I rehearsed just now and it took me 1 minute and 11 seconds. pffffttt.... Hopefully I don't blow it tomorrow with unnecessary pauses and those errrmmm ahhhs. haha... Tired to memorize it verbatim so just going to go with the flow when the time comes. Really tired and lazy now.

Anyway, my parents call me daily now and that makes me happy although it's mere minutes of conversation. However, the person whom I always anticipate excitedly to talk to is now errrmmm....Let's just say we're having a rough patch. It's been 3 days.. I'm tired and sad.

I haven't gotten any new dresses for Chinese New Year. SAD. Sigh... Ann told me that she might be going to Shanghai with mum during Chinese New Year. Seriously?? WTF!! Even more sad. Of all times, must it be Chinese New Year when I'm going back home. Bloody stinking piece of shit boss of hers. Why not he himself bring the tour. Why must it be my mum? Money faced asshole. Really pisses me off.

Blackie used to be the one who can comfort me in whatsoever circumstances and I'll always feel a sense of happiness and care regardless where and how we talked; he was my shelter and the one where I get my pampering from apart from my dad but these few days, I felt like I lost him. I feel so alone. I really miss how he made me happy all the time. I miss him.

I am sad. I miss all the care and pampering I got back home. If this is part and parcel of growing up, I DO NOT want to grow up, at least, not now. It's all too soon.

I love you, mummy and daddy.

I love you, Karvin.

Ian, stop checking your stats. They take time.

Ann, study. Don't hog onto the phone too long. hahahahahaha...

A Sudden

This is precisely how I'm feeling now. Vaporized melancholy. It's all so not clean cut. I don't know why I'm feeling like that.

Inflicted by some odd gloomy vibe. It's all so weird. These 2 days, I get annoyed over the slightest matter and feel melancholy for no apparent comprehensible reasons. I get upset for reasons I can't decipher and that adds that much more to my already gloomy self. Seriously, this is the first time I feel this way. Oh my gosh.... I hate feeling like this.

Even just now when I was out with Blackie, I can't help but to feel annoyed and just unhappy, yet again, for NO APPARENT REASONS! omg! But of course, I don a fake smile when he's looking at me and kept playing with my phone as so he won't realize I was upset but he did ask several times if I was. Got to polish my acting skills. haha

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It's also like the weather now in Kuching. Gloomy dark skies with heavy cumulonimbus clouds.

I am a girl after all... Read between the lines and you'll get it. Haha... I should nap... -_____-

Life ain't easy

I now really really understand that life absolutely isn't a bed of roses.. As you get older,you have more stuff to worry about...stuff which you never thought you'd need to worry about ever... When I was younger,I thought life was really good and easy...no worries,no sweat..I finally understand the harshness of life though it's kinda just the beginning of a more mature life for me..

You used to be able to get most of the stuff you want when you wanted it before because those stuff are within your parents reach... As you get older,toys and other miscellaneous isn't exactly your priority in your I-want list.. But good education for a promising future... Well,that's what I think... I really really want to have the best education I can get my hands on without putting a heavy load on my parents back as topnotch universities are freaking blarrrdy darn expensive.. But I find myself unable to do so now... Damn it! Is it my fault I can't?.. Am I not good enough I wonder...What would happen to my future if I just get education in mediocre universities/colleges where people are always saying the teachers aren't experienced enough causing student's to obtain just average results..I know most of you would be thinking if you are hardworking enough,you'll get good results regardless... But I believe teachers do play an important role..if they teach you the wrong techniques to answer questions,how do you score in exam?? Gosh I'm worried...

Why?

I failed to get JPA scholarship. I'm gonna breakdown n go insane. Why oh why... I was elated the day I got my SPM results but that results didn't get me anywhere...It only got me to the school opposite my ex-school for Form 6. And found out many that didn't get straight A1's happily secure scholarships. I'm not referring to anybody in particular ok..It's just what I see and heard. I'm very envious of them and thinking what good had my results done for me other than temporary happiness?? This is literally the WORST day of my life. I've never felt such excruciating pain ever! I'm so disappointed in myself... Oh well..just my luck... be grateful you're not me.

Depressed..

Monday,May 12th, my daddy's birthday.... YAY!!!!!

Monday,May 12th,Form 6 starts...BOO!!!

SIGHH... I'll be going to Form 6 and yup,I'm depressed and stressed out by that... I don't want to do Form 6... Never ever have I wanted or considered Form 6 but bummer....somehow I find myself left without a choice. There's one last hope to pull me out from this dreaded misery but that's far from certainty at the mo.. So,I still gotta get my ass into Form 6 first.

Haven't got my uniform and whatsoever school thingymajiger... And mummy's in Beijing so I gotta go get them myself with dad. DAD!!! anti-shopping person.. So not fun... Mummy,I miss you..

Anyhoo, frustration had definitely got the better of me already...I whine non stop to my dad like everyday..hehe..sorry..I just can't help it.. I can't stop thinking bout my future,where would I be going to study,what if this..what if that... so on so forth... I know I shouldn't but I'm slowly drowning myself into self pity..This is seriously bad..it may lead to massive self destruction.. drugs.. suicide...omg!! nahh...just being dramatic..haha..

I'm such a loser.. Can't believe my willpower is this "strong".. Gosh.. how am I to face the world right?? Mum,Dad,Ian...I need you!!!! God,please help me..

SIGH....