Sincere Truth

Update 5.19pm (18 Jan) : All confusions are cleared. It's a meager misunderstanding....I don't know how to say this right but deep down, I'm actually really really glad that we're friends once more... All you guys who had heard or read stuff, it's really nothing anymore.

Update 12.50am(15 Jan) : I am seriously baffled. I do not know what's true and what's not now once again.I'm sorry. I'm confuse. I'm so grateful Blackie and my bro are here for me when I am in great need of them. XOXO!! I don't want extra clarification anymore. I rather ignore it as that made me not mind anything anymore and start new. I just don't want to recall those depressing moment which I've decided to let go last year but it hurts having to recapture it again and to found out new stuffs. What the hell!! I just don't want to ever talk about it as I do not want to be torn in between again. She was my friend and others are my friends as well. Why I trust this and not that is really disturbing. Everybody were new. How was I to know. I was so hurt as I've heard so much for so long even if it wasn't true. Sigh... This post rends me into pieces.

Update 12.45pm (14th Jan) : I am so emotionally tired and muddled. It's all coming back to me again, I don't know why. The whole 2 hours in Public Speaking class, I couldn't restrain myself from thinking about the whole thing. Sigh...maybe it's the lack of sleep. toodles!

I know it's lengthy and verbose but just read on.

We, humans are fallible. We are subject to trial and error to learn stuff but sometimes we have our own perception to stuff or other times, we subconsciously or consciously just want to pick up negative stuffs and ignore all positives just to spice things up. That's human nature and it's pretty difficult to defy our nature,is it not?

I am actually a very gullible person which makes me very insecure and self conscious if you haven't already noticed. Therefore, what I hear people say about me matters a lot. In my case, words are the most powerful and easiest tool to break me. Honestly. I'm slowly learning the ways to ignore rumors, my utmost fear. That's why I always prefer to stay really hidden and low profile. I may come off as antisocial and arrogant but it really isn't intentional.....I've heard that a lot and I was numbed by that long ago. I just suck at socializing.

Anyway, I'm slowly patching up with my flaw of believing every single thing I hear especially those that concerns me. Last semester was a delirium not only to myself but to the person involved. I've had time to reflect during the holidays and realize how idiotic I was to see so heavily of the small matter. It was merely a minuscule misunderstanding which I avoided to solve entirely, instead, I kind of ran away from it and let it haunt us for the entire semester of which I truly regret.

The first friendship I made here went awry. We were really close friends and you've seriously no idea how caring she was to me and I really appreciate every single bit of it. I constantly tell my parents and Blackie how nice she is but apparently, something went wrong.

I started hearing that she had said some bad things about me to others for more than a month. I was so saddened by all that and I was focusing too much on all those negative stuffs and that severely got the better of me. I was stuck in a rut at that point, my self consciousness got a firm grip of me. I shut down what I knew about her attitude and was lured into believing all those I heard. I know how rumors always get exaggerated and twisted, yet, I blindly believed them. I sincerely took time to think back, and I realize how foolish I was last semester. I've made life hard for myself. Honestly, I haven't known her for a very long time yet and my other good friends told me what they heard. I was torn in between but because I heard it from a few friends not only one so, I ended up believing the rumors but I didn't listen to her part of the story. It was a puzzling situation and I guessed I didn't quite maneuvered the correct way.

Honestly, I was a tad selfish as I was so engrossed in only my own feelings. I kept thinking about how sad and hurt I was but I neglected how she felt about the matter. She was definitely feeling the same as we were both best of friends here in the beginning. We trusted each other so much and I really enjoyed her company.She gave me a sense of home. After those rumors stroke, all I did was constantly think about myself and no one else. This is where Prof. Borges's theory of ME ME ME applies. I kept thinking about all that I heard over and over again;cried over and over too everytime Blackie asks me how I'm doing. I realize how foolish of an act it was and I really apologize on the parts where I'm at fault. In one of my posts last year,I depicted as though she was the only one at fault but the truth is we're both at fault.

In every problem, both parties have a fair share of wrongdoings. Think about it and you'll find that very true but the thing is we tend to push the blame to the other party and ended up hurting each other more and more. In the very end, we're the one who are at loss. Everyone of you are just the audience who are in it for the entertainment and thrill but you couldn't care less about what's happening to those involved. You might show sympathy or empathy but deep down, you are really just in for the entertainment and you might find it really nice to spread around and make things even worse for those involved in a particular problem.

We both kind of felt sorry towards each other up till the point that it was difficult to face each other. Perhaps it was the guilt that laid inside us. We then avoided each other thinking we dislike seeing each other which isn't the case. She's not around because she thinks I do not want to see her;I don't see her around so I thought she disliked seeing me. Things get that much more complicated and muddling when you don't sit down and clarify all the misunderstandings as we jump to our own conclusions causing miscommunication.

It's a new year, a new semester, why let the past haunt us and bring us down once more?? We've clarified everything. Those of you who follow my blog or coincidentally stumble upon the post which I blabber about the friendships that I cannot comprehend, I want you all to know that I wrote that out of rage and frustration. I didn't weigh both sides of the story well instead I just picked up the negatives . I sincerely apologize for the lack of rationality and practicality. I'm really immature, I'm extremely aware of that so, I just cannot control my thoughts when I'm upset. All that I could think of are the bad stuffs which then, beleaguered me with negative thoughts in times of distress and at that point, I couldn't take it anymore so I just blurted all that was running through my mind so as I could end it once and for all. I didn't want to burden and worry other people by bringing up the story and they'd have to comfort me and all so, I just blog about it. My blog is my personal ranting ground and I never knew they are actually people other than my Kuching close friends reading it.

For those of you who are making a big fuss over that particular post regarding friendship, that's just the negative side of the story which I heard but seriously, all that I jotted down were what I really heard back then.I'm not adding rotten condiments into it. Be aware that those I heard were rumors, and I'm sure all of you knows how thickly fabricated rumors are. I didn't bother to filter them when I blogged about it and it's presumptuous for you guys to judge us and jump into your own conclusions. I really despise it when certain people think badly of another based on hearsay. I find that really unfair. You should get to know a person before you judge what kind of a person she or he is.

Gossiping is inevitable but gossips can be made within your own close circle of friends. There's no need to pass the message around to every complex living organism especially when you do not know how true it is.

I'm only human with many flaws and I'm slowly learning to not care of what others think of me but care only about the thoughts of those who are dear to me.

Do not always believe what you hear. There's always always always two sides to every story and it's only fair that you weigh both if you're keen to intervene or else, just stay away and don't be judgmental.

Last semester is history, lesson learned, life goes on anew, want to reconcile with what I didn't back then which includes studies,eating and spending habits. Gosh, I've taken my life so lightly last semester. Forgive me, I was new to the whole living far from home thing and I am parasitically dependent on my parents..still am..hehe...

Anyway, I've voiced out everything and all that I mentioned are truly sincerely genuinely from the bottom of my heart. This is what I feel now.

I know how I like to always think negatively and ignore those good things we've been through and that gave Blackie a couple of hard times. haha...

Blackie always say that the one mistake he made can immediately overshadow the 10 nice things he did. That's true. See, I told you we tend to recall only the bad and seldom of the good.

I wish all is ok now. Could bygones really be bygones??

Men!! Hurry and Grab YOUR Bra Now!!!

Is the world still spinning in the correct direction?? It's appalling to know that there are bras made for men and they are actually hot sellers in Japan. Fascinating.

OOoooo... The next thing you know, hunkies would be strutting their "assets" on Victoria Secret's runway and the ladies would be topless. An exchange of gender roles. Haha

Awwhh...the man is bashfully covering his chest.. haha.. is this normal??

TOKYO (Reuters) - Who said bras are only for women? A Japanese online lingerie retailer is selling bras for cross-dressing men and they've quickly become one of its most popular items.

Since launching two weeks ago on Rakuten, a major Japanese web shopping mall, the Wishroom shop has sold over 300 men's bras for 2,800 yen ($30) each. The shop also stocks men's panties, as well as lingerie for women.

"I like this tight feeling. It feels good,"(LOL) Wishroom representative Masayuki Tsuchiya told Reuters as he modeled the bra, which can be worn discreetly under men's clothing.

Wishroom Executive Director Akiko Okunomiya said she was surprised at the number of men who were looking for their inner woman.

"I think more and more men are becoming interested in bras. Since we launched the men's bra, we've been getting feedback from customers saying 'wow, we'd been waiting for this for such a long time'," she said.

Since it's like the in thing, maybe we girls should help our fellow male pals get their brassier!! hahahha...

The Spring, Kuching

Lovely Jewels
Hey darlings! Prior to occasions, The Spring would allow small stalls to be set up temporarily so, since Christmas is just around the corner, my aunty set up a stall selling jewelries and some Christmas embellishments. It's located in between Nike and Giordano.

Every piece is unique and are imported else where. Ranges from cool gemstones to bona fide Swarovski crystals and even pure shells. There are funky and chunky ones, feminine ones, classy ones. Just a whole array of nice jewelries if you really know how to play around with them. Jewelries lovers, go check it out. They'll be there until 29th December. =D

The few that I manage to capture.

Dad's short. haha

I, being the good girl that I am, will be helping out at the stall tomorrow just for the fun of it. Later to be exact since it's past 12am and already 8th December.. hehe... Ok, you caught me. Mum is paying my sis and I if we work and I am craving to shop but am broke. Well, not only am I broke, I'm in debts. haha... I owe my brother some ka-chings so, to be solvent again, I got to work. Oh ya, remember I said my mum offered me RM 50 a day if I cleaned the house. hehe... I haven't started yet. My witty mum knows me best and that I despise house work, that's why she offered me that kind of easy money because she knows I was merely saying. -_-"

Theft!!!
Speaking of The Spring, I find the management foolish to the core of preposterousness. Yesterday evening, my mum went to help out at my aunt's little cute stall but, only to lose her handphone. She was partly at fault for leaving it unattended on the table but stealing is immoral!! She suspected that it was one of the salesgirl from Giordano because she came to the stall earlier on. There's not really many people that visit the stall at once so it's easy to pinpoint who.

She reported it to the management of course because there's a CCTV camera like just diagonally above the stall. It's understandable that the management wouldn't allow her to see the video but to add that the CCTV could not capture clearly is such a feeble. Don't you think? Then, what's the point of having the dirt low quality CCTV camera there? Just to paint a safer picture of the mall to shoppers? Puh-leezee...That's sheer dumbness which agitates me a lot. Forgive me, but I really hate it when adults give illogical answers and expect us to just gobble it in as though we are brainless cogs.

They even ask my mum if she was going to make a police report. I suspect that they are afraid of the hassle they need to go through if a report is lodged because with that,they would have to show the video to the police and you know how these things tend to leak to the public, hence, tainting their reputation. Imagine if the police actually go arrest the Giordano salesgirl, IF it's really her. OOoooo..what a scene,right?

We understand they want to save themselves from the probable commotion but at least let my mum know if it's really the Giordano salesgirl whom she highly suspected. When my mum went to Giordano to look for the girl, she refused to come out from wherever she was hiding. She said she was on a break or something like that. Now,isn't that just odd? If she's innocent, what was she afraid of and if she's innocent, she won't even know why my mum wants to see her right? Hrrmm.... fishy fishy.... My mum wasn't even planning to lodge a report, it's just a handphone after all. She just wants her contacts in the phone and knowing my mum, she won't even get the girl arrested.

The camera is just there. I'm no CCTV expert, but you guys tell me if you can buy the excuse from the management which is the camera couldn't capture a clear picture. Of course, it wouldn't be crystal clear but I'm sure the rough figure and image of the person could be seen.

Of Bittersweet McDonalds

Today's such a drama...

It started off with boisterous knockings on the door accompanied by dad's continuous shoutings of "Ann!! Wake up wake up!! You get up now!" and all those hullabaloo. Haha.. It was St. Teresa's Prize Giving Ceremony today. Both my sis and I were invited to attend. Sis received 4 awards (as usual...that brainiac) and mine was just a little token for last year's SPM results. Ann got the best scores for Science and Integrated Living Skills, top in form 3 and the other award was for co-curricular activity. (p/s: Isabel and I got the best score for Integrated Living Skills when we were in form 3 too but the truth is, not sure about Bel but I can't do any of those survival work at all..see... all these school curricular aren't exactly effective. It's too book-based) Anyway, we both slept through the morning instead. Dad went to pick up the awards later in the afternoon.

Ann's awards. Proud of you sis. I really admire my sis. She's prettier and smarter than I am. Getting multiple awards is her annual ritual or something. Envious!!!! haha... That's mine. hmmm..From the first sight... I knew it was a pen... blehh... -_- haha...

At about 12.30pm or so. He called and I,subconsciously answered the phone with my lethargic tone as usual. He asked me out for lunch at 2pm. I agreed but maybe because I wasn't really at the tip of my thoughts so I went back to my slumber. I still don't know why I did that or did I not realize what I was answering and doing. Hmm.... At 1.45pm, he called saying he's outside my house. Whoopsie daisies.... I was still slothfully lying on my bed sleeping. I told him I was still sleeping and was really apologetic. haha... He got upset though saying I didn't have the heart to go out with him and that I've changed a lot. Hmmpphh!! I swear it wasn't intentional!! At first, he said, forget it... go out some other time.. I continued apologizing then he said I'll wait for you to get ready. Awwwhhh....so sweet...

After he picked me up, more drama foot-stepped along.

We went sunny hill to eat my favorite classic ice-cream. It's celestial. Had been deprived of good ice-cream in Nilai. He didn't looked very happy as how he used to be when he's with me. Yesterday,when I met up with him....he wasn't the happy person I knew. There's just something different. He told me bout the pressure he's facing at work and that he really wanted to see me after all those pressure when he called me up at 12+pm. But he got upset knowing I was still sleeping. He actually said "if you don't want to go out with me....just say it.. i don't mind.. it's better than you sleeping...i'm very disappointed with you dear..." it kind of hurt when he said that to me because it's the first time he had spoken to me with such a manner but I totally understand that it's entirely my fault. Put me in his shoes, I'd be exasperated to find that he had like forgotten our date or something when he agreed in the first place.haha...

Then, he started asking me about another issue that's bothering him. We got into a cold treatment session from that topic. Sighh.... he said whenever he approached that issue, I always gave the answer he didn't want. He added that I never change and there's nothing he can do because all the power of decision making is in my hands but I always say I don't know how to solve it and I take the matter lightly. Knowing I was unhappy already, he still tried cheering me up asking me not to be sad and that it is his fault to bring up the matter and he even apologized. In fact, I was aware that it was my fault. haha... But it's just annoying that he had to bring the topic up and drones on it over and over again though he said he wouldn't mention it anymore but he still did. But, I know it was because he care bout me. He kind of highlighted that. haha... I was a tad agitated so I just ignored him the whole way back home. Really bad of me. I felt so bad soon after.

Because of my really cold goodbye before I got off his car, he called me right after and asked why am I treating him like that. I kind of errmm.... had a little heart pain when he asked me that in his moody tone. I feel so bad but my ego didn't balance my id and superego that time so, I held back on apologies and just kept quiet. That conversation by far wasn't productive.

Sigh... I told my dear Maddie about it and she's really my savior. I snapped back into my senses pretty quick and she told me to call him and apologize. She even taught me how. She told me I need to grow up...hahaha...geezz...but thanks.. I love you, Maddie!! Hope you're having a good time now!! Gosh...I really miss both Fatin and you,dear...

Fatin and Madonna...

Rang him up.... apologized... I seriously feel horrible. I was purely taking him for granted and I did not want to commit the same mistakes I did before because I realize that I really love him and I don't want to lose him because of some preposterous matter. It just wasn't worth it. It all went back to normal. hehe... happy... what a providential recovery.. haha.. ok that's a little exaggerated but u get me right? I'm just glad we're ok.

Ermm....later at night... squabbled with daddy about another ludicrous matter. Gosh... I'm a monster today. hahah... but it's all ok now.. indirectly,thanks to him (this him means the "he"....not my dad) He called me up for our daily midnight chit chat as usual. Then, gluttonous me had a sudden craving for McDonalds french fries. I told him and he went to buy for me and send it to me. Awwhhh....... I was really touched. So, I gotta tell dad that I need keys and remote control to unlock the doors. That's how dad and I went back to happy talking terms. hahha... And that's how my tummy got her happiness. He's so nice to me...

Perfect way to end the drama

After we both had our supper...we continued our phone conversation.... Really happy to have him... am elated... courtship is fun... I've never liked anyone so much...I still find my feelings credulous... @.@

Malaysian School Uniform Too Sexy??

School uniform sexy, says group

KUALA LUMPUR: A Malaysian group condemned the uniform worn by girls at government schools, saying it encouraged rape and pre-marital sex.

“The white blouse is too transparent for girls and it becomes a source of attraction,” National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia vice-president Munirah Bahari said in a statement.

“It becomes a distraction to men, who are drawn to it, whether or not they like looking at it,” she said, calling for a review of uniform policy so that it did not violate Islamic ideals. *roll eyes*

In multicultural Malaysia, home to majority-Muslim Malays as well as ethnic Chinese and Indians, female students at government schools have a choice of wearing a white blouse with a knee-length skirt or pinafore.

They may also wear a “baju kurung” and a headscarf is optional for Malay students.

Munirah said that “covering up” according to Islamic precepts was important to fend off social ills, including “rape, sexual harassment and even premarital sex.”

“This leads to babies born out of wedlock and, to an extent, even prostitution,” she said.

“Decent clothes which are not revealing can prevent and protect women from any untoward situations,” she said, suggesting that girls wear a blouse of a different colour or with an undergarment.

However, the girls themselves also came in for criticism, with the association saying that some used the white blouse to lure men.

“This is the source of the problem, where we can see that schoolgirls themselves are capable of using this to attract men to them,” Munirah said.

“This could see them getting molested, having premarital sex and all sorts of things.” – AFP

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/5/22/nation/21326822&sec=nation

Gosh...blood boiling statement..Find something more relevant to bring up to the public la please... Our school uniform had been the way it is like forever and now,after 50+ years, they think it's inappropriate... Gahh..'Ciak pa bo su cho'

First of all..how are girl's school uniform revealing or has any sex appeal?? Pinafore pretty much covers all that is needed to be covered except the side which is slightly not covered but what can u see from the side? Besides,we're not allowed to wear fancy dark coloured lingerie. We would be wearing singlet underneath baju kurung. Form 6 blouse,we are to wear a singlet inside too and pastel coloured lingerie..Skirts and pinafore are usually knee length or longer. *scratch head* Where's the sexiness?

Why so conservative?? We have literally one of the ugliest/less appealing uniform in the world. Look at those japanese or taiwanese uniforms and compare them with ours. Ours looks like an apron. haha...

Rapist would probably prey on their victims without considering what they are wearing or how they look because they're just too "hungry",they can't control themselves. But if a girl were to dress in minimal clothing roaming dark streets alone then I totally agree that she should take the criticism cause that's sheer trouble she's looking for.

Wonder if they'd change school uniforms.. maybe white blouse change to black blouse..haha..funny..